Dear Diery

It's always about a fucking boy isn't it.
Boy are so fucking complicated.
Mind you they think we're complicated.
We need to communicate with them more.
But sometimes we arent game enough to do that.
I got told i was chickenshit over something else.
But i admit im chicken shit to admiting i like this bloke.

But wait, is he a boy or a bloke? Hard choice there.
Anyway's he's 19.
He is taller than me so i look up to him.
He has blue eyes that are cute.
And brown hair which is nice.
He has his license.
And car, so yay he can drive.
Anyways enough about him for the moment.
I am really confused with this whole sitution of a 'crush'.

I mean i dont really have the guts to tell him i like him.
Maybe i should tell him i like him?
But what if he laughs at me and shuns me away?
What if fucks up our friendship?
We are in the same group of mates.
Boy that could turn out pretty bad.
But yeah, got told i was chicken shit about something else yesterday.
But i am mega chickenshit about telling a boy i like him.
I think that is pretty sad in it's own way.

I dont really have enough self confidence.
I wish i did.
Pretty much wish i wasn't so pessemistic.
Because it makes life harder alot of the time.
When it comes down to thinking about all this shit.
It gets really frustrating.
Positivety is they key, or so i would like to believe.

It would be nice if he liked me back.
If he could make the first move.
Something like that.
As i said, i'm too chicken shit.
But he probably doesn't like  me.
Hell i dont think he does.
But i dont know that you see.
So that makes it interestingly FUCKED.
I wish i knew so i could either get over him.
Or well, i dont know but you get my picture.

Well had better go now.
Will write some more later.

xox
K.Killer

Dear MUTHA FUCKING Die-ry,

I am so MUTHA FUCKING PISSED OFF!!!! Last night my brother got completely trashed and was a complete fucking CUNT.

I wont' go into details but i was ready to chop his fucking head off or crack him in the heads.

Love him and all but he's a fucking cunt when he's drunk.

Poor Sam, i love her to death, i feel so sorry for her.



Love Kandy-FUCKING-Kane

Dear Die-ry,

Hello there once again.

I just had a really nice hot shower and wet my hair. lol.

Going to bd now, just wantd to say goodnight.So

GOODNIGHT

Faithful^Forever^True

Kandy-Kane

Dear Die-ry,

Well here i am again. I think this is either the second or third post that iv'e done today. Haha. Shows that i really need to talk. Haha.

Well. I changed the lay out... I sort of had the old one for.. Something like four years i'm assuming. I thought it was time for a change. I also added a nw display picture. It was Billy from Good Charlotte for SOOOO and i mean SOOOO long! This time it's actually a picture of me. Haha.

Knaww, Cooper just drank some milk and now he is totally KO'd. Cutest kid out i swear. He must follow after me. Haha. Sam was saying that she hopes he isn't like me and jason - on the computer all the time. Haaha. It's because he was staringat me while i've been on the computer.

Wow, Mac says that she's going to send me a whole bunch of her ramblings from when she has gotten offtrack in classes at school. By a couple of weeks she said that there will be quite a few. So i cannot wait!! *Jumps around like amaniac* Hehehe. I haven't received any thingfromMac yet so that will be aweosome. I think i've known her forsomething along the lines of four years now.

WOOT!!!

Sorry. I can't believe how long i've known some of my friends on the net for. It's totally crazy. I've lost contact with a few - only the ones that lost the interest in talking to me after so long. I still speak to Mac on a regular basis, that'sfour years. Jenna and I have known each other for four years - yay. I've been friends with Calypso for about the same amount of time. It's the same thing with ash and James, i've known them for about four years also.

It's absolutely crazy. I've known these people for 4 years. People that i have met over the internet, never met in real life. But they're the people that have been there through everything over the last years. They are the people that support me the most and keep me sane when i off track from the rails. I've spoken to McKenzie on the phone before, Ash & James, Jenna and Calypso!! And it's good now that Jenna and I both have microphones. This way we don't have to use the telephone to talk but just msn. It's wicked as.

Ahhh in the land of Miss Mac-nash. Hahaha. I can't wait until i head over to the US, i will definately be visiting that young lady. She's awesome and i love her to death. Not only that, Mac-nash is the one that got me into INUYASHA!! It's my favorite ever anime! My collection has hit the mark of $700. Roughly i think that i have about 30 or so dvd's of it. I have two box sets and a lot of randem ones. I need to finish my collection so i have a full collection of INUYASHA.

I really love how Sesshomaru took in Rin after he saved her. It shows that within all that anger and malice, he actually has a heart. Rin totally adores him! She follows him everywhere and respects him. The thing is i don't think that he's going to be aging any more. But Rin will age. Can you immagine when she's like 18, and Sesshomaru is still in the body of a 22 year old? Absolutely brilliant. They would be the absolute cutest couple ever.

I like Inuyasha and Kagome too. I don't see why some people dont' think that theyre a good match. I think that they'reperfect. Kagome can keep him on track. "Inuyasha SIT" is the perfect command... And because of the beads that lady Kaede put around his neck, he has to obey. But yeah i think that they would be a pretty good couple. But Kagome would age and that would suck.

Zeta, Nikita andZana are herenow. Awww, Zana is soooo cute! haha. The kids *minus Zana* are out the back washing out the blow up pool so that they can sim in it. It's so hot today. Its like 38 degrees outside.

25 minutes later

Sorry, i got distracted and went outside. The girls are in the pool, Zana was even in there but she didnt end up liking it. Play school is on tv now. Sad.

3 minutes later

Sorry, i was just showing Zeta some of my photos when my hair was decent. Haha. My hair is so gross at the moment. I really need to wash it. Hmm i just pulled my fringe back into a headband. I can't have it out because it looks disgusting. Haha. Mmm,i want to grow my hair long again, but i'll just have to stop cutting it. It's such a bad habbit though, i love cutting my hair and being able to change the styles.

Did you know that i can type without looking at the keyboard? Sorry, that's just really randem, i dont always get the letters in the correct spot but i think that i'm pretty decent at it.

Cooper is drinking milk again and he just coughed on it. Hahah. I hear music, i think its from the little toy that Zana is playing with. Knawww.

Jason's planning to get some tattoos, of Samera's, Savannah's and Coopers name on his arm or something. Seems pretty interesting. I think he wants to get one of the names in arabic or something. Sounds cool.

I can't wait to get my tattoo. When i'm 18, well, thats next friday. My favorite things that will happen when i turn 18 - 1. I can legally buy cigarettes, 2. I can go clubbing & 3.I can get as many tattoos as i want without having to get parent consent or anything. Woohooo. Seems pretty awesome.

I can't wait. February 1st 2008 - Kandy turns 181!! yeeehhaaa.

Anyways, i'm not really sure what to say now, but i think i can stir up something. LOL. I know that i've been rambling alot lately, but what can i say? I'm just trying to make up for all this time that i haven't been on my lj.

I found out today that Cait has live journal too. I dont know if i could be bothered reading evry body's lj though. I will read macs if she's got some recent ones. Gives some Kudos and everything that goes along with it.

Hmm, I want to write a vampire story. I want one of my characters names to be Jasper. I actually only got into that name from the Twilight Series by Stephanie Meyer. Wow. She is just so awesome. Her stories are really good. There is Twilight, New Moon & Eclipse. Edward Cullen and Bella Swan are the main characters. There are even where wolves in there - Jacob Black, Sam, Embry and Quil. A few others are wolves too. But yeah. They are really good books. Really BIG books. I haven't finished reading Eclipse yet, but i'll get there eventually haha.

Stephanie Meyer is actually writing the 4th book at the moment and Twilight will be made into a movie. With The guy that played Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter as Edward Cullen. Sounds pretty interesting. And the girl that plays Bella is really pretty. I can't wait till the movie comes out. Will be entirely radical. Woohoo!!

Any way backto my ideas on writing a vampire story. I want it to be a love story. The usual; human girl falls in love with vampire boy. And things like that. I guess i'm writing it because i like that because its the type of thing that i would like to read.

Cooper has the cutest Kermit the Frog toy. I want to get one for mum since she loves Kermit. Haha.

3 hours later

Yes, well about that. Sam had to go out so Zeta and i were looking after the children, fed the babies, fed the children and all is well. Well... except the part when the little ones were SCrEAMING.. actually that was mostly just Cooper-Jay. Hahah. He's sitting next to me in his high chair now. Content and i think yup i know, he's watching tv. |

Wow, i'm speaking to Jennifer wall at the moment. I haven't spoken to her in something like 8 months, if not more. I told her about amy being pregnant. She didn't seem to suprised. I heard Zana crying and i walked over to where she was sleeping and i freaked, she wasnt there. Hahah. Just realized that shes out side with her mummy.

During the period i was gone, the guy came to fix well upgrade the tv's. He seemed nice. He was like "so which of you acutally live here" to me and Zeta. Hahaha.. "Neither of us" lol. I like staying at Sam and Jason's house. It is so much better than staying at home. And i can help out Sam, even if its just a little bit when it comes to cooper. I change his nappies occasionally, i cuddle him and feed him. Hahah. I want to steal him and take him home!! haha.
Well i guess this my 2nd home in a way. I spend alot of my time here. lol.

Well this is turning out to be a long entry. But that's okay with me. It's thursday today. Tomorrow i have to go home so that i can wash my clothes, get my shit ready for work and help mum clean up the house.

Man i swear sometimes i am just so damned stupid. I packed what i thought to be my phone charger and i was like it's okay to use my phone until it dies because i can just charge it...But stupid old me didn'teven bring the right charger. I brought the charger for something else. So until i get home i'm not going to be able to use my phone... It's killing me already. I never know the time without my phone and it's a great night light and my ALARM! Although, Cooper can compensate for the alarm part of my internal disaster. *sigh*

I think Cooper is waking up a little bit. I hope not. That little boy is so damned tired. He only splept for about 10 minutes. But he slept for something like 3 hours yesterday afternoon. Some little kid and a ninja just atemouldy cookies. Hahah. Man how gross would eating mouldy cookies be?

I remember when Kwokie cut up some watermelon that was in the fridge. I tasted it and i was like "ewww this tastes gross", but to no avail he just said that i was stupid and it was fine... So when mum tasted it, she instantaneously spat it out. It was off all along. I almost yacked. Off watermelon isn't exactly what i want to be eating. EVER.

MmMmMmM Doritos. I bought some Supreme Cheese Doritos last night. The ones that come in the red packet. Full on cheesy goodness. Haha. Karina likes the yellow packet, but i forgot what flavour they are. Haha. Either way. The red ones are really cheesy while the yellow ones are cheesy but rather tangy. If i'm going to get chips, i normally get Doritos since they are sooo delish. Normal chips can sometimes make my mouth feel weird. Salt and Vinegar is yummy too, but ouchies if you have an ulsor. Yikes.

I am so glad that Jason has a lap top. When every body goes to bed, i can sit up and watch tv while i go on the computer. It's strange, lately i haven't really been in a big fanfiction mood.There are times when i am just totally addicted to fanfiction and then there are times that i just can't be bothered sitting there and reading it. *lol* I need to update all my fanfictions. I've been lazy i tell you.

I dont think that many people like my new story in fanfiction. I say that because normally i would get a few reviews. BUT this time i haven't had as many reviews and it sucks. I just think that people arent' used to Draco being pregnant, comepared to Hermione being pregnant. That first night when i started writing i was on a real role. I was writing those 3 chapters until 7am!! Some of my friends thought that i was crazy to spend that much time on the internet... And it being so late didn't really help. I have to stop staying late on the inernet now.

I say this because when i start tafe i have to be up early and i dont' want to be sleeping in until the middle of the day and forget about tafe. That would really kill me.. But mum would kill me more. Haha. How bad would that be? And i'm only at tafe for 3 days a week!! Hahah. I love my hours. They are so awesmoe.

Hmm, Blue Water High is on now. Some of my friends are just so obsessed with this show, but honestly i just don't get all the rush. Haha. The guys talking about how the fish aren't breeding. And there was this girl who took a bird into her class. Bitch made her friend take it and then wouldn't take it back. Slap Slap if that chick gets found out aye!

My back wisdom tooth hurts a tad. It's more annoying and uncomfortable than it is painful. Hmm. Hahah. Some guy coppied his best frieds essay and took the day of school. And so his friend took his coppied essay into school. SUCKER. Well, yeah.

Hmmm, now that kid is getting BUSTED by his principal and im pretty sure that they both have detention now. Hmmm. Suckers. That kidn of friend is the type of friend that you don't need. *sigh* I hate friends who are like that. How anygry would you be though aye? That's complete bullshit. No one needs friends like that.

So much bloody drama going on in this tv show.

Anyways, fuck i've written heaps today. I think that i should give it a break now... But...It' so tempting to actually keep writing lol.

Always^Forever^Faithful

Kandy-Kane

Dearest Die-ry,

This morning i was awoken to thr sound of my nephew Cooper-Jay spitting the dummy and screaming. I guess it was a good alarm system. Haha. I think it was around 9am ish. Thats okay though, it was roughly when i should have been getting up any ways. Other wise i would have slept into midday with no problems. Hahah.

I've got Cooper on my left and the tv going on the ABC cartoon channel. Savannah is sitting on a stool in the kitchen, Sam is on the phone and Jase is at work.

This morning i came to see how Cooper was and he was realyl spitting the dummy, it was so cute but his voice really dos reach your ears after a while. Haha. Sam bathed him, attempted to feed him wheatbix and even some buttered toast with vegimite... But to no avail. Nothing seemed to work. Yet the minute that she gave him atiny bit of panadol he crashed. It was just a nanna nap though, he only slept for something like 30 minutes.

Coopers had bottle now, so he's all quiet and content... I really shouldn't speak to soon should i? Haha. If he cries he cries. Anyway the poor darling is teething, his gummy's are probably really sore and it must be uncomfortable for him.

Well, i'm not sure what we're doing today, probably staying home and hanging around. Zeta, Sam's friend is comming over this afternoon to pick up Savannah, she's going to sleep at her house tonight. It was Zeta's little girl Nikita's birthday on Monday, so they are going to Lake Lashinaltia tomorrow. It's apparently somewhere near Chidlow and takes roughly about 1hour to get there... Then 1 hour to get back. Hahaha.

Hmmmm, there's a really crappy tv show on ABC Kids, its like aliens and birds and killer whales. Crazy show. I'm not really interested in it. BUT if Hanna Montana was on tv, i would surely be loving it. I didn't get what all the rush was about that tv show until i actually watched it. It has Billy Ray Cyrus in it and his daughter in the show is his daughter in real life. Miley Cyrus. Heaps crazy! She sings and she acts... I think shes about my age too.
But wow, she's really pretty and the show is totally awesome! Haha.

Sorry i know that was really randem. Haha. Finally that silly program is over. Now they areadvertising Cyber Girl. Man i have not watched that tv show in soooooooo long! I can't even remember if i liked it or not. Now there's some boy and his dog on the tv. Bloody kids shows i tell you.

I really want to watch that movie THE HAUNTING HOUR. I tried watching it on the internet the other day, BUT the damn thing took so long to upload and it kept stopping, so i gave up in the end. But yeah, it's about a Goth girl who has to change into a new high school and scary stuff ends up happening. Can't wait to see it. The only thing is that both the dvd's stores near my house don't even have that movie yet. Crazy and annoying!

I watched the movie Sydney White yesterday morning. I really liked it. It's like a modern day Snow White type of thing. Pretty girl gets out casted by the big bitch of their school. She ends up having to live with 7 guys in an extremely run down house that is continually falling apart. The guy from the most popular house on *greek street* is falling for her, and she's falling for him too. Her mum used to be in Kappa house, in which Rachel Witchburn is president of. On the night of their initiation (is that the correct word to use?) Sydney is the last person, to receive her Kappa badge, Rachel Witchburn embarrases her infront of EVERYBODY and says that she is not fit enough to be in Kappa House. Damned Bitch i tell you.

Then, Rachel says "And i want that dress back" and so Sydney just walks down the stairs, rips of dress and throws it back into Rachels face. From then on she goes to live in the Vortex, which is the falling apart house. Well by the end of it, it Rachel Witchburn is the most hated girl in school and is a real outcast, while Sydney White is the most popular. But the thing about Sydney was that she wasn't the type of person who was bitchy and rude.

Anyways, that boy and his dog tv show on abc is actually pretty decent. Some stupid animal catcher attempts to steal this dog. It sucks. Poor boy. He hides the dog and then his mum and dad find out and he can keep it. Then the stupid bad guy comes and takes him. Man if i was that dog i would have just whoop chopped his ass and made sure that he felt my teeth.

Sam just asked me if i was writing a novel since i have been writing for so long. Hahaha. I wish i could write a novel but i just dont think that i have the time and patients. Jenna is writing a novel, well she is attempting too any way. She has spent alot of her time plotting and many hours doing her character charts. I attempted to do a character charton Jasper Ravahn something or arather. Haha. I didnt quite finish it though, but i still have time.

You know how when your a kid and your aunty/uncle pulls your cheeks and makes all like cute noises and stuff? Well i've decided i'm not going to burden Cooper with that but im going to lightly BOP his nose. I've been doing it now for a couple of months and i guess it's a habbit now. But its so cute when he smiles while i do it. Haha. He's full of giggles and smiles most of the time. Haha. Occasionally he will spit the dummy and he will cry, but not to often.

Hmm, my tummy is rumbling now so i had better eat something soon. I haven't had breakfast yet. I think i will make some in a minute.

Well, i guess i had better go. I've been doing lots of writing so far.

Forever^Faithful^True,

Kandy-Kane

Dearest Die-ry

Finally i was ableto get in contact with Kurt again, he's never online when i am which isa giant inconvenience lol. But it was really good being able to speak to him again, even if it wasnt forvery long. hahaha.
He's finally comming back to Australia thisyear roughly in june-july. Wohoo.
Me and Nissa are planning to somewhat kidnap him while he's here and keep him all to our selves.

When he leaves though, ill be heart broken so bad. I wont want to let him go... Believe me, i know this now and i know that i am absolutely right about this. It was bad enough the first time he left.

I can't believe it has been 3 years since he moved to Colorado. Seems like forever and ever, i can tell you that. He has a boyfriend named Chrisitan now, who is 28. I hope he treats Kurt good, or i'll just have to go over there and whoop chopp his butt. Hahaha. I'm sure he treats Kurt good *smiles*.

I remember the times Kurt, Rachel and I spent in english in year 10. I thank god for being put in that class. It's how we pretty much became friends. Woohoo. LOL. I also remember that in the begining of the yearhe would barely ever talk. He was just one of those really really quiet people that you would barely hear a peep out of... That all changed when he came ouf of his shell. He turned louder and crazier and we had the time of our lives writing a best friend and lezbian play for Mr.Bate our English teacher. lol.

I actually think Kurt has a copy of that play still, at least he did when he left here. His name was Elliot, Rachel was Melody and I was Arcquette. hehe.
Ahhhhhhh th bloody brilliant old days.*smiles in rememberance*

Regardless, i can't wait until he gets back to Perth!!




(",)




O.o




^_^



Hmmm, it was 38 degrees today. It was blooming horrible. While Nissa and I were walking from TAFE to Lakeside Joondalup Shopping Centre. Although it was only a 15-20 minute walk *...we got a tad lost* we almost died in the heat of midday.. Grr. I hate the sun, I love winter, it is so much better than summer. Summer sucks. Okay i lied a little bit, i dont mind the hot days as long as im at the beach, but that doesnt actually happen very often.

Hmm, for my birthday i am going to the Bayswater Hotel, in Bayswater.
List of persons of interest to invite:
*Mum
*Kwokie
*Dad
*Jason
*Sam
*Savannah
*Cooper
*Arisa
*Steve
*Aunty Bev
*Uncle Grahm
*Amy
*Nissa
*Gloria

Sounds good to me, i just really hope that i havent' forgotten any one aye. Wow, that would be pretty rude. Sigh. Hmm, this icy movie is making me feel a tad coldish, and i think i have a headache comming on..

I hate headache's.
Well almost as much as stomach aches anyway.
I normally get really bad stomach aches after eating Pizza.
So i tend not to eat it any more. Rarely i will. But i prefer not to any more.


Cooper-Jay bless his soul, was crying before. He lost his dummy and woke up. He was screaming! So i went into his bedroom and there he was on his tummy trying to roll over, dummy somewhere in his cot. The hard part i mustadmit was trying to put his dummy back in his mouth IN THE DARK... I had to usea tad bit of light from my phone so i could see it. I was sort of scared that i would poke his eye out or something with his dummy.

R.I.P. HEATH LEDGER 1989-2008 - 28years old, renound actor and Perth Boy.

^Died from an accidental *apparently* overdose on sleeping pills.

**May his soul rest in heaven, his mind at peace**

In 11 years Heath Ledger played in 17 movies. All of which he was superb. I love him in A Knights Tale. That wasone of my favorite Heath movies. It's just so crazy though. All these wicked sick Australians have died so young. I mean look at Steve Irwin! It's horrible. His daughter Bindi is goreous though and it seems that she is really taking after her dad.Gosh, just thinking about all this is really making me sad.


Amy is roughly 5 months pregnant now, so it's not long for her to go now. She's having a little girl. At first she named her Kayleigh and i didnt really like the name but it really grew on me... Now she's changed it to Abigail... I really don't like that name, i thinkt hat Kayleigh was better. Although i dont actually really have a say since i am only her best friend loll. Hahah. But yeah, her and Ryan seem to be doing pretty good. He's been living with her for a while now, although not too long and they're getting married. I dont' know if they will 'actually' get married, but for now they are engaged and everything seems well.I hope everything turns out the best for them.

Anyways, im off now, i should hopefully ramble away again soon.

Forever ^ True ^ Faithful

Kandy-Kane

Dearest Die-ry,

Hmm, well congradulations and welcome to 2008, its been a pleasure knowing you.

I cant believe how much shit i've actually written here over the past few years. Hmm. There is just so much stuff that iv'e forgotten about and rememberedby reading my blogs lol. Some of them are pretty emo but well you get that lol.

Some new tv show is on 10HD, it seems pretty intereesting, they're in like snowy mountains or something.

Anyhoo, once again i am at my brothers house. I try and spend as much time as i can down here. It's the bomb lol. There's Cooper-Jay and Savannah up here too, and it's way r should i say hell better than stying at home by my self day in and day out. lol.

Hmm, i got into TAFE and im studying occupational health and safety. The only thing is that my course is located all the way in Joondalup...so roughly 45 minutes or something to get there.. hmm. Not too bad

Always ^ Forever ^ Faithful

Kandy

Dearest Journal,

Today i continued reading a fic called Champagne Dreams and it was brilliant. The last chapter was rather sad though but im not entirely sure if the fics completed yet or not. Draco loves Hermione, Hermione loves Draco, Lucius loves Hermione and Hermione loves Lucius. Lucius is the ever so possessive Defence Against the Dark Arts professor, while Draco is her best friend and confidante. Poor Hermione. Draco gets heavy on the Firewhisky and goes phsyco.
Well i guess that's to be expected. But in truth if i was Hermione, i would have stayed away from Lucius and gone with Draco, although both seem to be pretty decent suitors.

Hmm, ive got this tight knot in my chest at the moment and i dont know why. Im having problems breathing and im still a little sick with a cough. Outside it's raining and its beautiful, waking up in the morning with the rain pourning down is something i truly love. lol

Anyways, today is the 1 year anniversery of Gary Meyerhoff -my sisters brothers- death. It's so sad! He was only 31 and he past away. I can still remmeber the day of the funeral. I was so scared that i wasnt supposed to be there since i only met him a few times. But it was for family support. The worst thing though, it was the first time in my whole seventeen years on this earth that i saw my big brother cry. I saw how upset Samera was and it just crushed me, i can't immagine loosing someone so close and dear to me.

RIP Gary Meyerhoff




Anyways, i still have that tight knot in my chest. Maybe its bad that i was smoking earlier. But what can i do? Im addicted. Steven and Arisa reckon my mum knows that i smoke, but if she does, she hasnt mentioned a word about it.

Anyhoo, im in the slackest mood and i cant be bothere doing anything, hell i cant even be bothered sitting here and typing in my lj. I think i may retire back to bed sooner rather than later. I'm still feeling pretty run down.

I have an english exam tomorrow, so that will be fun. I need to memorise 3 texts for the 3 hour exam. Im pretty sure im going to fail, but what can i do? Its my one and only exam , my last exam ever in high school. I graduate on the 29th october. when i look at it, it's barely 3 weeks away. Hell its 3 weeks today. hahahah. weird.

Im trying to call amy again, but im not sure if she's awake yet or not. I swear to god that girl could sleep all day and do nothing. But funnily enough shes actually awake and she picked up the phone. Shes making chip butty, hahah yum.

Love that girl so much, hahaha, but im going to go now.

Forever faitful and true,
kandy

Dear Livejournal,

Here i am only moments after my last blog. I thought that this time i would actually write a bit more. I was just trying to get that apology out so if Jen read it she wouldn't take it to heart.

Anyhoo, new things. I graduate from Morley SHS on the 29th October, which considering isn't really that far away. One of my bestest ever friends Amy Marie is just past 2 months pregnant and is expecting some time around April. I'm so excited and yet scared for her. She's been feeling pretty ill lately with lots of throwing up... I guess that's expected for her first trimester.

My sister in law Samera had a baby 8 weeks ago tomorrow, and he's the most gorjus little boy i have ever laid my eyes upon. His names is Cooper-Jay Gary Potts. Cooper after the beer, Jay from his dads name, Gary from Samera's older brother and Potts...Well that's our family last name. I've bottle fed him, changed his nappy (where he's peed on my hand) and given him LOTS and i mean LOTS of cuddles!

I have been working at Sizzler for almost 9 or so months now. It's a pretty decent job and its pretty good pay too. I guess i cant really complain. Generally though its 5 or so solid hours on your feet walking around. When i first started my feet were so sore by the time i got home, i could barely walk. I put gels in my shoes and stuff. But now, it doesnt bother me at all. I've even made some pretty good friends there, some which i speak to on msn, some on myspace, and i even hang out with a few on weekends and days that we aren't working.

I'm actually pretty tired at the moment since its 2.38am and well i havent stayed up this late in god knows how long. hahahah. i know that i will be really tired tomoro though, but it shouldn't matter. As long as i clean something in my room i should be alright lol. But i am pretty sick so i might have to use that as an excuse. hahhahaha

Anyways, its so good being able to talk to Jenna again, i miss her so much when i dont get to talk to her. Its not like we speak all the time any more either. We speak every what seems to be couple of weeks or even months. And comming from the kinda friendship where we used to speak almost every single night. I'm telling you it was more than hard.

There were times when we were fighting during this past year and last where i used to sit on my bed in my dimly lit room and blast Evanescence, whilst i would look over her letters and cry my eyes out. Those letters have been read almost a thousand times each. Each time i read it i would think of her for days and curse my self for being stupid enough to let our silly blabbering get out of the way so that we actually ended the friendship.

But luckily that's all past now and once again, dearest Jenna Mango Pantalone, no matter how far away she is, is still one of my bestest friends in the entire world. Along side Amy Fairclough, Nissa Day, Vallery , Natalie Edgloe, Calypso Malcolm, McKenzie Buckley and Ash & James Saber.

It's nice to have friends that can really relate to your interests. I mean, Amy, Jen and Val are all into harry potter and although we all love it, we all enjoy different pairings and characters when it comes to fanficiton. Jenna and Amy are really good when it comes to writing fanfiction. I dont think i am that good, but i think that i am alright and i can get the job done...hahah sometimes. Where as Val will write Yaoi as does Jen, and they're brilliant. We have other japanese animes' in common, as do me and mac. But in total i really love all of these guys and i would truly be lost without them.

2.49am and its almost 3am. Damnit, i didnt want to be up this late. But i guess it doesnt matter. Its not like i go on my lj and update everyday is it? Hell the last time i was here was almost a year ago.

But i had really better be saying goodbye and good night..or should i really be saying morning?

Either way avoir, goodnight, and ill give you an oncore later. hahaha

xoxoxo

Forever Faithful & True,
Kandy

Dearest Live Journal.

Its been the longest time since ive wrote in here.

Last time i was angry with Jenna...because we had a fight..And the post before this saying all those nasty things. Well Jen, if you read this im sorry and dont regard anything i said. You know how i am when i get angry. Anyway, that was almost a year ago


kan

IF YOU READ THIS...

I

FUCKING

HATE

YOU!

Youre a bitch
Your a liar
Your a FAKE
and... your UGLY

Dearest Journal.

I'm in a really fucking shit mood right now.
I don't really want to talk to anybody.
I just want to cease from existing.
I have no luck.
Everybody else does.
In the way i mean any way.
I fucking hate it.
I should just end it all.
There's no point anyway.

Fuck you. Fuck them all.

Dearest Live (or is that dead) Journal?

Well, Dad, rob and jane came. blahblahblah....

all that bullshit

now i have to go....

Bye

Dearest Screwed Up Journal,

The shit has really hit the fan.
Now not only am i fighting with Ashley Gibson; but also my mother and 'stepfather'. Nice isn't it. They aren't there for me when i need to chill out and just sit in piece and get my head around this shit. All they can do for me is make it worse by shouting at me, yelling at me and rubbing salt into the wounds. Nice friend's arent they. Nice parent's arent they.

If my mother finds out that im' on the computer; she will most likely have another spastic attack at me. Turns out that not only is my dad comming; but his friends Jane and Rob too... Nice isn't it. Everybody comming to my house; and i have not only to clean it and all that but i have to clean my bedroom; find my clothes for drama and also PRACTISE MY LINES.

That's it. For drama i think i prefer to just FAIL. I won't be able to learn my lines. After work i totally forgot about it. Not that i can really learn much after 8hours of standing up. I mean i get home and im completely pooped! AND to make things worse; im letting not only my group down but myself.. Nice... Real nice kandy. Yeah im just a little fucked up arent i. Oh well. I think im going to say that i forgot it was on because i tried calling my group and they never returned my phonecalls and that sort of stuff... Blah blah blah. Teacher can kill me all she wants. I'm over it. And next year; im not doing Drama. I really cant be bothered doing it. Too much work. I might just do health; childcare; or even workstudies again.

Well i'm really bored and dad and co' will be here any minute. Scary movie 4 is playing in the background. WEll id better go and finish what i'm supposed to be doing.

Much fucking hated love;

Kandy

Dear Live Journal,

Last night was Mardee Brown's Birthday Party.

Another party of hers that i WASN'T invited too. I'm getting really sick of them all now. Them meaning everybody i go to school with. Even Sarah. Bet you weren't expecting me to say that...were you? Well i am sick of being the fucking looser of the two groups. I'm friends with them all; but i somehow just seem to be forgotten when it comes to party's... or movies...or even just plain jane ice skating.

Well Ashley Gibson; on of my friends... is sending me some of the pictures from last night at Mardee's. It's just making me feel worse; but at least i have photographic shit if i ever want to .. i dunno.. Use it against them?

For my halloween party; i shall invite no body that went to Mardee's. Not even Sarah or Ashley. I think it's fair. Why should i? They could be doing better things like going to Mardee's for example!!!

Well FUCK THEM ALL STUPID FUCKING CUNTS!!!!

I hate them

I hate them

I hate them

I hate them

I hate them





Kandy

Dearest Fruity Diary,

Dearest Fruity Diary,

MANGO AND LEMON ARE FINALY REUNITED!!
Well, in your speak, they are together.

Amandy & Kan-Chan are back into business as they plan their newest; going to be hottest ever fanfiction... Characters; i dont even know why your asking. Draco and Hermione, as per usual. lol. It's a post Hogwarts story; we chose this because it seems that every story we have so far is within the years they spent at Hogwarts. So we're going into uncharted waters as one may say. lol.

We were missing Jenna today and looking at some of the pictures that she had sent me on my computer. They were awesome! heheh. I'm going to send Jenna an email after this. Telling her what Lemon & I Mango did today.

WOOTA! We started watching "In Her Shoes" starring Cameron Diaz... But then we got bored and started writing FANFIC!!! WOOOOOOTA!

Remember that neighbour Jessica that i spoke about like yonks ago... She's at my door.... wanting to use my toilet... "I'm locked out of my house and my mom forgot to give me housekeys.." Blah blah blah, i haven't let her in as of yet... "I cant be bothered to get up" i said.... And now she's babbling on about something else... Something about her getting a job or something.... LOL. Oh well. I really wish she would kind of...GO AWAY for christ sake... I wish Sarah was here, then i would have an excuse to go do something or arther. lol. DAMNIT SARAH!! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO TO YOUR MOMS THIS WEEKEND???

Oh well, she's gone now and she didn't even use my toilet. GO ME For AVOIDING THE ORIGIONAL QUESTIONS. hahah. I think Phillip blocked me on msn and all i said was... HI. lol. Nice oh well, maybe he did actually go online..

So back to wat i was saying before, we started writing our fanfic, then we started thinking about taking some photos because we have... 1 lol. So we added a bit of eyeliner and off we went outside into my front yard. Ended up taking about 36 photos or so. Awesome aye. And im going to try and blue tooth them to my mommy's phone and then put them into the computer. How awesome would it be coz then i can put some on msn and then my my space. And what's even better is I GET TO EMAIL THEM TO JENNA WHO WILL BE REEEEEEEEEALY HAPPY!!

Today, when Amy's mom called. I was going to tell her to tell her mom that she was at like "Mel's" house or something because her mom hates me.... But before i could, her mom asked her where she was and she said "I'm at Kandy's house" woot.... Goddamn, i thought her mom would have really cracked the shits... But she didn't... I hope she doesnt go off at Amandy or anything for being here. Apparently amy also has my play boy tie somewhere or arther... And she says that maybe Robert has it... Looser better give it back; well that's if he has it of course. hahah.

If anybody comes to knock on my door again... IM NOT ANSWERING. I really can't be bothered getting up and walking all the way to the door and having to deal with the shit heads that are going to be there...Unless of course it's my mommy. hahaha.

I've been trying to call Sarah, but the 3G network is currently FUCKED UP!! So its a little hard to speak to anybody right now...Unless that is they have a house telephone and i have their numbers. Hahaha.AM i rambling by anychance? Oh well too bad if i am rambling hahaha. Oh well.

www.trazelle.proboards30.com/index.cgi is my internet site.. I'm posting it here, just in case i forget it and then one day i want to use it. And check out all the stuff that's happening. I couldnt get any body on their mobiles. So i decided that i was going to call Natalie on her HOME PHONE... and guess what...

I GOT THROUGH TO HER HAHAHAHA!!

LOL..

Awww i miss Amy. I'll probably see her again next Friday for lunch like we did yesterday. Woota.. Then i reckon that me and amy should go to the movies. Woota! I just heard that at my school there have been so many fights and shit that they've actually hired securty and stuff. And i also heard that Michelle and Chris broke up.... And Chris likes Sarah. My throat really hurts. But how the hell he likes her i DONT KNOW!!!!!.... Its creepy... He likes her but... he just broke up with Michelle... Or michelle dropped him. Either way it's not my business... But meh. Not my problem she slept with Joel. And all that kinda stuff.

Anyways; i'm talking to sarah on her home phone. Cut Natalie off.. I'll have to call her back later or something. Maybe tomorrow. I have to clean up some of the house or something before mom comes or she will get SHITTY AT ME!.... I hope she doesnt get shitty at me or anything.*whines* My throat hurts....Sarah says that she will get MEGA pissed off at Michelle and Joel if they end up going out since she's broken up with her boyfriend.

Man the world is full of sluts.
Especially at my school.
Especially at year 11.
Especially some of my friends lol.

FINAL DESTINATION 3 IS ON DVD NOW.
I AM SO GOING TO HAVE TO RENT IT!!

WOOT!! Damn Sarah for being at her mom's and able to watch it.. I Want to watch it.

YAY Jenna is online, i can't wait to see Jenna in the future. It's going to be so awesome aye! lol. My internet is being a real fucking stoodge. Half the shit im trying to see wont even come up. GOD DAMNIT lol... Wow mental blank sorry. I'm speaking to Natalie on the phone and Jenna on the internet. ANd joel on the net too. lol.

Natalie says that im REALLY Multicultural. Coz my mom's thai, my dad's english and i'm born in new zealand, my step dad is chinese and my step mom is phillipina and i live in australia. P.s. She says hi. Well that was natalie lol. She said to say that...And so i did. lol.

Im guessing this is a really long entry.. So i'm going to leave it lol.
I still can't get hold of my mommy and its annoying the hell out of me...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MITCH SLATER!
Sorry had to say that. Knaw doesnt everybody just love Mitch hahaa. Yeah.
Orite

Sincerely mine,

Kandy ~Mango~

Dearest FUCKING CUNT Journal,

I JUST TYPED AT LEAST 4 FUCKING PAGES AND WHAT HAPPENS???

IT JUST DELETES THATS ALL!!!!

THATS NOT WHAT I WANTED!!!!! AND IM NOT IN THE MOOD TO FUCKING TYPE IT ALL UP AGAIN SO.. FUCK YOU.





Anyways, i love my Jenna Caren Pantelone. She's the awesomest ex goth i ever knew. And the bestest friend too!!! Love you girly.

Okay on a whole different subject, my friend liked a guy, stopped liking him, then i started now she likes him again and theyre always flirting. i fucking hate it, i hate seeing them together, really pains me... but what can i do? nothing, shes a really dear friend to me and i dont want to screw things up over a guy like so many of my friends have done.. trust me ive had experience in this department and having to choose over a friend or a guy, its always better to go with the friend because its more likely that theyll be the ones sticking by you when your in strife or what not... So yeah... i just tend to either look away or fake a smile... something i do so often it becomes part of my everyday life... not something i should be proud of i suppose. but i got to make them think that im happy.. of course over things like tristan i let most of my true feelings show, but not all of them.... they might rat on me... would they do that? I mean they're supposed to be my friends arent they? but in the past so many of them have turned on me that it isnt real funny any more and it really makes me want to hate them.

But i guess i just have to go on pretending, even if it hurts inside.. i must be strong... musnt i? Like when i cut a couple of weeks ago, it seemed that everything just shut down around me, all of my friends just seemed to be so distant towards me, it was like they were using the excuse that i cut not only to ridicule me but to hold it against me so that they could hate and bitch about me. nice friends i have huh. i heard from some one who im not going to name that they were all angry and bitchy and talking about me... so when i saw them i didnt really say a word about some people besdies the fact that i FUCKING HATED THEM to anybody. Most people thought i was peachy perfect, they thought they could get away with bitching about me. It isn't that easy. I always find about these things and i always will... I'm not sure though what i would do if the one closest to me at school turned on me... What if she's been bitching about me the whole time? "I hate having to put up with her" what if she just feels sorry for me? what if she doesnt like me but is just using me? sounds a little too harsh. i know she's not like that...but still... a part of me really wonders what they think about me... *sigh*

Well i had better go now, this entry is good enough and its about time that i got to sleep now.

Goodnight Journal,

Love always and forever,

Kandy

P.s. My new nickname is Kanda Panda, created by Colin *Cabbage*